Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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