hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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