Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think i got beer on your cat.
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