at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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