I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
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I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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