I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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