I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
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which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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