my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize