My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize