I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize