she woke up with a sticky ear
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
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watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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