Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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