Cold hands, warm shart.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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