the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
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Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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