Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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