I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My penis needs a shock collar
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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