wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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