At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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