I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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