On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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