When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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