Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I did not marry a roomba.
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