I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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