forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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