just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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