dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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