I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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