Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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