I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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