Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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