it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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