She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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