please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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