If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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