Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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