i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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She even gives head with a lisp.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
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we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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