We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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