Dual....:-)
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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