I cockslap morals
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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