Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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