I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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