I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's the barista slut.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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