No stitches, just platelets and will power
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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