matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize