I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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