How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize