I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
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I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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