so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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