i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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