I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize